Double-Dopchoo Kibibliburgler! Random Words Make People Think You're A Funny And Carefree Individual!

Flartlarger.

Boobop-comebleepintronker.

Yes, That's right. That is completely right; I meant every word of it.

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His website is a bit hokey (Flaming guitars? Seriously?), but his program really shows independant artists how to get a leg-up on signed artists.

If you hadn't noticed by the ridiculous pictures that I usually attach to my 'serious' articles, I'm hugely passionate about humor.

I'm hoping to facilitate every detail of my stories here into mind pictures that hopefully will cause at least 16 brain aneurysms among the interracial populations that read this website.

And if you read that last sentence, you'll realize that it was just referring to every single person who ever reads this, which is incredibly redundant.

It was completely overly descriptive and 'beating around the bush', just for the sake of one of my favorite words: Intellectual Masturbation.

Or literary masturbation, word masturbation, or pretty much anything other type of mind ejaculation that you can think of.

The point is, it's useless and takes forever to read; but for some reason you just get a chuckle reading it and simply can't stop!

I'm not original in any way...BTW!

All of my humor is simply a combination of The Onion, Maddox, Cracked.com, and my favorite blogger of all time; Allie Brosh.

Unfortunately for my modesty, combining all of these could cause originality, like how mixing four cheese cock-doggies with your least-favorite italian dish can cause feelings of self-loathing and farting symphonies.

The bottom line is, I'm not very funny. But I certainly am going to try.

It's not all going to be related to music, although because my life is mainly made up with "WHY-AM-I-HERE" experiences of me interacting with copious amounts of bad musicians (one of the downfalls of currently living in a small town) so it makes it really hard for me NOT to write about music.

But as any literary genius such as myself says after going off on a tangent, "I digress…"

Actually, I don't want to digress because eff digress. I'm going to keep going off on tangents.

Jeese I wish I was a more original writer...this creative tangent stuff is incredibly draining.

Whatever, read this crap below because it will allow you to scoff at my inferiority to your superior writing skill.

Also, I have some Hate Mail as well, and I've been told that it's somewhat jocular.

Also, I love Thesauruses' as they allow you to use ridiculous words like 'Jocular'. I've never even heard of the word before, but it was matched with 'Hilarious', and I thought that the word itself was pretty funny because it kind of sounds like "Jock", and I remember wearing those when I played hockey when I was 7 years old.

I was kind of a dick then.

Speaking of Dicks', that's exactly why I think that the word 'Jocular' is hilarious. And that's like, a double meaning, because the word literally means hilarious, and it's also a hilarious word to say.

But for the whole Thesaurus thing, I think you just need to remember not to use it for serious writing and whatnot. I think Stephen King said it best (In reference to the Twilight Series), "If you need to use a Thesaurus to find a word, it's the wrong word". (I totally just quoted that from memory, I probably got the verbiage wrong. ATTN Over-analyzers: Don't complain to me and send me hate mail!)

Fortunately for me, random humor is all about using the wrong words!.

You can spell words wrong and then pass it off as 'ironic' and 'satirical', and you know that it's perfectly okay to do, especially when you have people like Tommy Wiseau trying to pass off his terrible drama, The Room, as a "Black Comedy", even though it's clearly just a terrible movie.

When a standard is set that incredibly low, and the guy still makes millions of dollars, it pretty much gives me free reign to be completely retarded.

I sometimes just like to make up words that sound fun, and I'm such a darn sweet guy that I try my best not to swear.

Although the "F" word is incredibly funny, I think it would be a much bigger challenge to try and be just as hilarious without doing it (I'm also a Christian, so that's another motivation for the lack of swearing).

Just read my uh...Jocular Dissertations (thanks again internet!), okay? It will give me confidence, and is the only thing in this entire world that I find value from!

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About The Writer

My name is Andrew Muller. I love creative art, music, television shows, movies, video games, and a good story.

If you had to find me somewhere, you would probably find me down at O'neils home cooking eating an organic sweet-potato bun breakfast sandwich with ham.

Among my friends, it's a "Muller Classic Move" to eat Mcdonald's at 2am because it's cheap and open 24/7. The joke here is that I'm an idiot. 

I play drums, guitar, piano, and I write & perform music for My Goal Is Telepathy. Take a listen to the latest sound here.